Still Wine Snob Gifts

'Sorry, I only drink still wines. I don't have the patience to wait for bubbles to pop.'

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

Sauvignon Bonk

"Now I really hate poetry."

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'He's holding a sign saying he's marooned with 20 cases of La Tache. A second sign: drop a corkscrew and come back in six months.'

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

'Which wine goes best with 'the old man and the sea'?'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

"I make it myself!"

"Do you think there's ANY possibility that the 76 pints of lager,13 bottles of wine and 12 kilos of chocolate you've had MAY have contributed to you feeling 'a bit under the weather'?"

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

Woman thinking about luxuries.

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

"So the wife says to me, you need to take the dog out..." "Wine list, please."

"I detect a subtle bouquet of money."

'S'more wine?'

The wine-shop

'Wine represents all things civilized. It's an artistic expression, a manifestation of cultural enlightenment...'

"What are they saying this week? Are coffee, chocolate, and wine good or bad for us?"

A little sharpener before dinner, darling?

Join me in a glass of champagne?

Catch and release dating.