Wine Snob In Denial Gifts

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

Wine Lady

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

Man practising karate is tempted by a glass of beer.

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

'Which wine goes best with 'the old man and the sea'?'

"I make it myself!"

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

At the mobile tracking test lab.

Opening the Barrel

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

Wine tasting

"Would madam like to sniff the resealable cap?"

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

'Brand X, the wine for those with indiscriminate taste.'

'My husband will order the wine. He happens to be a graduate of the 3-Second Master of Wine program.'

"Pinot Noir, God's apology for White Zinfandel."

"House red, sir?"

Wine: New & Old!!!

"This family-owned boutique wine is produced from a single grape."

'Ahh, the '74 Amarone. Unfortunately, I can't sell it to you. There's no possible way you'd appreciate it.'

"It tastes and smells just like a glass of wine!"

'Sorry, I only drink still wines. I don't have the patience to wait for bubbles to pop.'

Prosecco Drinker

"I had no idea Dom Perignon came with a screw top."

"I find a good cabernet is the best way to put my money where my mouth is."

"It's an unpretentious little wine!"

"What wine goes best with vodka?"

'Dear, of course no one can tell you what they think of the wine, you haven't told them how much it cost yet.'

'A 1982 bottle of KMart Beaujolais Nouveau? You shouldn't have, really. I mean you really, really shouldn't have...really.'

"How much do you spend on a decent bottle of wine?"

"Yeah, he changed water into wine but it was nothing you'd want to lay down."

"I'm getting gnats, I'm getting cats, I'm getting dogs..."