Wine Snobbery Critics Gifts

'Brand X, the wine for those with indiscriminate taste.'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"I make it myself!"

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

"Would madam like to sniff the resealable cap?"

Wine tasting

'My husband will order the wine. He happens to be a graduate of the 3-Second Master of Wine program.'

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

"Pinot Noir, God's apology for White Zinfandel."

"Hints of migrant workers on the nose."

Wine: New & Old!!!

"House red, sir?"

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

"This family-owned boutique wine is produced from a single grape."

'Ahh, the '74 Amarone. Unfortunately, I can't sell it to you. There's no possible way you'd appreciate it.'

"It tastes and smells just like a glass of wine!"

'New money or old money?'

'Ptuwah! This is tap water!'

Prosecco Drinker

'Sorry, I only drink still wines. I don't have the patience to wait for bubbles to pop.'

"It's an unpretentious little wine!"

"I find a good cabernet is the best way to put my money where my mouth is."

"C'mon dude, these are not your people."

"What wine goes best with vodka?"

'Dear, of course no one can tell you what they think of the wine, you haven't told them how much it cost yet.'

"I love craft beer! It's opened an exciting new world of snobbery for me."

'A 1982 bottle of KMart Beaujolais Nouveau? You shouldn't have, really. I mean you really, really shouldn't have...really.'

"Yeah, he changed water into wine but it was nothing you'd want to lay down."

"I'm getting gnats, I'm getting cats, I'm getting dogs..."