Wine Humorists Gifts

'The dining room? It's 18 wine bottles long, and 15 wide.'

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

"This wine tastes like a**....Bring me every bottle you have!"

'Brand X, the wine for those with indiscriminate taste.'

'I don't actually want to learn so much that I become a wine buff - just a wine snob!'

'No, I can't remember the name of the wine, but it did come in a bottle about this tall, if that's any help.'

A high wire act walks over to a bottle of wine.

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

"This family-owned boutique wine is produced from a single grape."

'Who took the cork out of my lunch?'

'Ahh, the '74 Amarone. Unfortunately, I can't sell it to you. There's no possible way you'd appreciate it.'

'Bob will be with you in a moment. He's cleaning the filter to the wine-aroma-judging-device attached to his face.'

"I find a good cabernet is the best way to put my money where my mouth is."

"Wait. Let it breathe."

"Nope, no need to smell the cork."

"Do you have a wine that tastes like beer?"

'I noticed your wine list only has reds and whites. Don't you have any yellow wines?'

'I'm trying a beer diet: lager for breakfast, bock for lunch, and IPA for dinner. So far, I'm losing 2 days per week.'

'Sir has made the most discerning choice to wash it down with Drain Glug.'

"Would sir like to try the wine. . . ?"

"It's disappointing, but if that's the biggest you've got ..."

Grape vines think alike.

"A cheeky little wine, would you agree?"

"Would you like an ice bucket with your Champagne?"

"A whino!"

Waiter watering down wine

'You opened it five hours ago. If it breathes any more, it's going to hyperventilate.'

'For future reference, just the bottle goes in the chiller.'

'At home, he's my husband, here; he's my dump bucket.'

'How come your oldest vintage is on the top shelf?' 'I can't reach up there!'

'How wonderful, I've always wanted to meet a connoisseur of wines costing under £4.99 a bottle.'

'Mmm...it's got a good nose on it.'

"He's a wino-saur."