Wine Tasting Humorist Gifts

'It's got quite a nose, I'm getting autumn harvest ... a tart elderberry finish. Not bad for a urine sample, eh Doc?'

'At home, he's my husband, here; he's my dump bucket.'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

Opening the Barrel

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

"This wine tastes like a**....Bring me every bottle you have!"

'Brand X, the wine for those with indiscriminate taste.'

'I don't actually want to learn so much that I become a wine buff - just a wine snob!'

'No, I can't remember the name of the wine, but it did come in a bottle about this tall, if that's any help.'

A high wire act walks over to a bottle of wine.

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

"This family-owned boutique wine is produced from a single grape."

'Who took the cork out of my lunch?'

'Ahh, the '74 Amarone. Unfortunately, I can't sell it to you. There's no possible way you'd appreciate it.'

"I find a good cabernet is the best way to put my money where my mouth is."

'Bob will be with you in a moment. He's cleaning the filter to the wine-aroma-judging-device attached to his face.'

"Do you have a wine that tastes like beer?"

'I noticed your wine list only has reds and whites. Don't you have any yellow wines?'

'Sir has made the most discerning choice to wash it down with Drain Glug.'

"Would sir like to try the wine. . . ?"

'How come your oldest vintage is on the top shelf?' 'I can't reach up there!'

'How wonderful, I've always wanted to meet a connoisseur of wines costing under £4.99 a bottle.'

"A whino!"

Waiter watering down wine

"Would you like an ice bucket with your Champagne?"

"A cheeky little wine, would you agree?"

'For future reference, just the bottle goes in the chiller.'

'You opened it five hours ago. If it breathes any more, it's going to hyperventilate.'

'Mmm...it's got a good nose on it.'

"He's a wino-saur."

'You know, our collection of bottle bags is worth more than our collection of wines.'

'It's very 'woody'...'

'I quite the wine class after 5 minutes. The instructor started by saying that wine a liquid, but it's dry.'