Cocktail Commentator Gifts

"O, that we could harness this wisdom."

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

I've decided to shift down a few gears.'

"I'll have another Rob Roy and a cup of coffee for my friend here."

"I like his earlier work better, particularly the ones I said I didn't like at the time."

'Actually, I don't get out much. I spend most of my time alone, writing lyrical novels celebrating nature and the interconnectedness of all living things!'

"How is the dollar trading against the Martini today, Jack?"

'My building inspector just doesn't understand me.'

"I was surprised myself, but living apart, seeing other people, and having virtually nothing to do with each other actually has made our marriage stronger."

'The first cocktail.'

"I taught him to eat with a fork."

My first mistake.

"Wanna get pigeon holed?"

Bar Therapy

"Of course it's not easy to read the body language of someone who's basically inert."

The New Square Mile Regulator.

'We're not exact clones - he likes his martini shaken, and I prefer mine stirred.'

"Yes, we know them. We like them, but we're not crazy about, you know, the other him."

"It's Olive isn't it?"

'No thanks; can't handle caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, or number six birdshot.'

"It's discretionary income but I occasionally use it for indiscretions."

"I keep telling her she should do something with her stupid little online pieces."

"I unleash greed, disease, and death on the world, and you're saying you ate an apple that made you smart?"

"Oh I don't think it's as bad as all that. In fact, I think we're in the golden age of something which we won't even realize it's the golden age of until many years from now."

'I think it's finally accurate to say that literally everyone is misusing the word 'literally'.'

"I was quite a successful writer once...what sort of books are you interested in?"

Freud's Bar: Introspection Hour.

"I'll have an entendre...make it a double."

'Fill 'er up!'

"Everything has been done to death."

"As if we didn't already know too much about ourselves, we're having our DNA done."

"It was very amicable—I gave her everything."

"Do you think of yourself as a spiritual person?"

'Which one has the highest alcohol content?' 'That one.'

"I got married once - to avoid writing."