Cocktail Comedian Gifts

"It's Olive isn't it?"

'Try this, dear, it's enough to take your head off.'

A Good Batch.

Yoga for Alcoholics

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

I've decided to shift down a few gears.'

"I'll have another Rob Roy and a cup of coffee for my friend here."

"I forget to drink."

"I like his earlier work better, particularly the ones I said I didn't like at the time."

Teapot

'Actually, I don't get out much. I spend most of my time alone, writing lyrical novels celebrating nature and the interconnectedness of all living things!'

"How is the dollar trading against the Martini today, Jack?"

"I'm sure you've heard of foodies - he's a drinkie."

"I was surprised myself, but living apart, seeing other people, and having virtually nothing to do with each other actually has made our marriage stronger."

The Rind of the Ancient Mariner.

'Well, that's how we mix martinis around here.'

'The first cocktail.'

The New Square Mile Regulator.

"Wanna get pigeon holed?"

"Don't worry about the economy, dear. We'll always live large."

'It was a lot more congenial when we had happy hour.'

"Virginia Woolf meets 'Car Talk.'"

"Of course it's not easy to read the body language of someone who's basically inert."

Bar Therapy

"It's discretionary income but I occasionally use it for indiscretions."

'No thanks; can't handle caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, or number six birdshot.'

"I unleash greed, disease, and death on the world, and you're saying you ate an apple that made you smart?"

Need Cash for Alcohol Research.

Caveman turning the wheel into a bar.

"Oh I don't think it's as bad as all that. In fact, I think we're in the golden age of something which we won't even realize it's the golden age of until many years from now."

"Oh, no! Hugo's tried snorting Pimms"

"It's for his shakes."

'Fill 'er up!'

Freud's Bar: Introspection Hour.

'I think it's finally accurate to say that literally everyone is misusing the word 'literally'.'