Dating Culture Humorists Pillows

Rat: 'So...your Sewer or mine?'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

'Let's go to your place. I cook, I clean and then we can have a meaningful shag.'

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

"And make sure you get my daughter home before sunrise..!"

"We were having a great conversation and then someone clapped."

"Now that we've fallen in love, I have a confession. I'm not a giraffe—I'm fifty-eight weasels in a trenchcoat."

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

"I do want to talk about your feelings but first let's talk about cheese."

"You need a mint."

"I want to be upfront. At this point, I'm only looking for a casual hookup of Frankenstein."

First Date

"He's such a gentleman, he didn't use a 'mating call' to attract me: he's developed a 'please join me on a date' call..."

It sounds like you have a lot of baggage. Yes, but it's all Louis Vuitton! Menu.

"We're not a couple. He's just my ride."

'I met my wife on Faeces Book.'

He's Tasty!

Sure he's a zombie, but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"Smile! It's for the women I've dated scrapbook!"

"I'm sure my parents will love you, but for the time being, let's not mention that you're genetically modified."

"Okay. So, apart from being a very shy ventriloquist, is there anything else you can tell me about him?"

Chameleon in a bar.

'If the opposite sex insisted on devouring YOUR head and laying thousands of eggs in YOUR carcass, then perhaps celibacy wouldn't seem like such an unreasonable lifestyle option!'

"I probably should have mentioned that I'm allergic to cats, Albert. . ."

"I brought Tom home to my parents and left him there."

Do you suspect me of ulterior motives? Let's put it this way: You're not a suspect; you're a person of disinterest.

Another last "first date" for Daphne "...and here's kitty peeking out of a shoe box. Oh! And here he is playing with a dead birdie! Oh how cute! Here's Kitty looking around a corner! And..."

"Siri, find me someone better."

"Can Hilary come out to abstain from having sex?"

Dear Diary....I'll never, ever, go on a blind date again!

"If you want to charge a man for sex, you have to do it like everyone else - slowly, over time, beginning with dinner."

"Swipe left." Henry VIII

'Like I said in the ad - GSOH.'

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but actually 47% of 235 people covering 34%..."