Dating Humor Enthusiast Pillows

"Really sorry for going on about myself for so long, would you like to go on about me for a bit?"

'Sorry, Tim, I never kiss on the eighty-fifth date.'

'You certainly are a lady-killer - I'm almost starved to death!'

'In case you have doubts about going up to my apartment, I have 3 personal references which you may call.'

"She needs to be a purebred in the streets but a mongrel between the sheets."

"Well of course I'm nervous....what if I chat her up only to find out she's my ex?"

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

'Let's go to your place. I cook, I clean and then we can have a meaningful shag.'

"We were having a great conversation and then someone clapped."

"And make sure you get my daughter home before sunrise..!"

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

"I do want to talk about your feelings but first let's talk about cheese."

'He's wearing a toupee.'

"I want to be upfront. At this point, I'm only looking for a casual hookup of Frankenstein."

'You certainly picked your moment to propose!'

"He's such a gentleman, he didn't use a 'mating call' to attract me: he's developed a 'please join me on a date' call..."

'I met my wife on Faeces Book.'

"We're not a couple. He's just my ride."

The Meeting Agenda: Start Simple

Sure he's a zombie, but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"Okay. So, apart from being a very shy ventriloquist, is there anything else you can tell me about him?"

"I'm sure my parents will love you, but for the time being, let's not mention that you're genetically modified."

"Smile! It's for the women I've dated scrapbook!"

He's Tasty!

Chameleon in a bar.

"If you want to charge a man for sex, you have to do it like everyone else - slowly, over time, beginning with dinner."

"Siri, find me someone better."

'Like I said in the ad - GSOH.'

"I brought Tom home to my parents and left him there."

"Swipe left." Henry VIII

"Can Hilary come out to abstain from having sex?"

'This is not what I meant when I said we were going dutch.'

"He's handsome. I wonder how he tastes?"