Dating Humor Lover Pillows

"I thought it was a place to pick up some chicks, but NOOOOO!"

"I'm invisible to all men."

"I do want to talk about your feelings but first let's talk about cheese."

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Waiter, have you seen my date anywhere? She's about 30, tall, blond, blue-eyed, beautiful and imaginary. ? ?

I am the undead man you seek. Are you not paying attention to popular culture? Vampires are huge! Not technically undead, and not technically dry.

'And the life of man, solitary, poore, nasty, brutish, and short.' -- Thomas Hobbes, 'I dated a guy like that once.'

'I take it you don't want me to come in for a drink.'

"I think she's just playing 'hard to get'!"

"My date? The idiot tried to impress me with a mighty roar: my ears are still ringing!"

Larry's used art

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

Grace For Flies

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

...And he calls himself the 'Green' Giant...

'Behold. Ed and Jim have finally reached nirvana.'

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

Pirate boy reciting the alphabet

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

"Why do they do that?"

'Remember only you can prevent forest fires.'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

Man painting over a 'You are here' sign.

New and improved! BunkerBuster! Get out of the sand trap every single time - or your money back!!

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"States of tofu"