Relationship Humor Lovers Pillows

'Look, I said I was sorry five years ago. Quit dredging up the past.'

'Frankly, William, I am tired of dating the sensitive, needy types.'

'What do you mean, you forgot our anniversary?'

"My first husband could move heaven as well!"

Groom's supporters v Bride's supporters

"Is it my breath?"

"While you were on your fishing holiday with your pals I bought a new dishwasher!"

Egg timer

"I don't have the energy to argue. How 'bout we slip into something comfortably passive-aggressive?"

"Fancy crashing at my pad later, babe?"

'Honey, please. Carl, Zeke and Scotty from the pub already chastised me for gambling away my paycheck.'

'Thanks to this new full body patch, my New Year's resolution is on day seven!!'

Of course I'm frigid- isn't EVERYONE?

'I'd like to start seeing other people.'

"They can't divorce us if they can't find us."

'I'm suffering from nymphomania. My wife has it.'

'Nobody walks out on me - use my bike.'

'I feel sorry for you single people. Nobody to go home to fight with.'

'She always gets her way. Everything is always, 'Yes, deer.''

'Our life is so predictable...' - 'I knew you would say that...'

'I've been living out of a tin since my wife left me.'

'Could you scoot your chair over this way a little dear?'

'Listen I think we should break up...it's not you... it's that thing on your face.'

"Honey, guess what? My therapist finally got me to cry!"

Life is for the birds.

"First date hairball... awkward."

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

Excess Baggage: By the time the male of the species admits he is lost. It is generally too late.

"You're hogging the covers again!"

Reading the sports pages.

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

"If you think I ride too fast, Susan...just say so!"

"What's so wrong with always living in the present?"