Relationship Humor Lover Pillows

'For our anniversary I bought myself a truck, and her a carpet cleaner...which explains my condition.'

Early man wasn't exactly enthusiastic about the development of language.

'I want to have an argument.' - 'What about?' - 'I don't care. I just want to have an argument.' - 'That's stupid!' - 'Oh, so I'm stupid now, am I?' - 'Gah. Tricked again.'

'I'm sorry, Frank, but I think I need some space.'

"Hey, I know - why don't we go on a little crime spree?"

'We must talk-so shut up!'

Male prostitute

"Please come back. My life is incomplete without you."

"Like, weirdest date ever, last night, he kept trying to make eye contact!"

'Let's face it George, we'll never see eye to eye.'

'I do - but only out of spite.'

"He didn't exactly ask for a divorce-he offered me an early-retirement package."

'...I lost my temper and now I can't find it!'

'Oh, he knows how to talk - We're just not speaking right now.'

"To be fair, Martha, you started it."

'Tell me father, why do only 10% of women go to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be hell.'

'It's his wife I feel sorry for.'

"You're not the boss of me. I'm pretty sure Mom is."

'PARTNER' Do you say PARTNER or BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND?

"You're distant today..."

"So, I'm in the middle of telling him something and he's looking right at me and just poops, then has the nerve to say 'What? I'm listening.'!"

'You can't leave me like this Helen.....at least get me my pipe and slippers.'

"I've got a new ex girlfriend...she asked me if her new jeans made her look fat...and I simply said, 'don't go blaming the jeans'."

'Oh, for heaven's sake, Gerald! Must you keep evolving?'

'When we first got married, Warren was crazy about me -- now he's just crazy.'

'We're at that point in our relationship when only boxing will settle an argument.'

You were hardly catch of the day either.

"If this bed could talk it would have nothing to say!"

'And that is how you put the toilet seat down. There will be a quiz on Friday'.

His, His Too.

"No plans set in stone yet, but I'll probably spend some time getting on my wife's last nerve, maybe hyperfocus on the lawn."

'Sheesh! These hot flashes are getting worse!'

'Was your divorce amicable?' 'It was more amicable than the marriage.'

"You like it? It's a mood ring - my husband gave it to me as part of his early warning system."

'Is something wrong Kevin... we don't talk anymore!'