Relationship Humor Lover Pillows

'For our anniversary I bought myself a truck, and her a carpet cleaner...which explains my condition.'

'I want to have an argument.' - 'What about?' - 'I don't care. I just want to have an argument.' - 'That's stupid!' - 'Oh, so I'm stupid now, am I?' - 'Gah. Tricked again.'

'I'm sorry, Frank, but I think I need some space.'

"Hey, I know - why don't we go on a little crime spree?"

Male prostitute

'We must talk-so shut up!'

"To be fair, Martha, you started it."

"He didn't exactly ask for a divorce-he offered me an early-retirement package."

'I do - but only out of spite.'

"Like, weirdest date ever, last night, he kept trying to make eye contact!"

"Please come back. My life is incomplete without you."

'...I lost my temper and now I can't find it!'

'Let's face it George, we'll never see eye to eye.'

'Oh, he knows how to talk - We're just not speaking right now.'

"Harry, I want a divorce. I've decided to de-clutter."

'You can't leave me like this Helen.....at least get me my pipe and slippers.'

"No plans set in stone yet, but I'll probably spend some time getting on my wife's last nerve, maybe hyperfocus on the lawn."

You were hardly catch of the day either.

"So, I'm in the middle of telling him something and he's looking right at me and just poops, then has the nerve to say 'What? I'm listening.'!"

"I've got a new ex girlfriend...she asked me if her new jeans made her look fat...and I simply said, 'don't go blaming the jeans'."

'Tell me father, why do only 10% of women go to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be hell.'

"You're distant today..."

His, His Too.

'It's his wife I feel sorry for.'

'And that is how you put the toilet seat down. There will be a quiz on Friday'.

'We're at that point in our relationship when only boxing will settle an argument.'

"Just empty it."

'Sheesh! These hot flashes are getting worse!'

"You're not the boss of me. I'm pretty sure Mom is."

'Was your divorce amicable?' 'It was more amicable than the marriage.'

'Oh, for heaven's sake, Gerald! Must you keep evolving?'

'PARTNER' Do you say PARTNER or BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND?

"If this bed could talk it would have nothing to say!"

'When we first got married, Warren was crazy about me -- now he's just crazy.'

'Is something wrong Kevin... we don't talk anymore!'