Relationship Humor Seeker Pillows

Will robots ever replace man?

'She'll take my name? How do I know this isn't just an identity theft scheme?'

'He owns a bank. I've always been attracted to loaners.'

"I'm looking for a new doctor. My old doctor had a preexisting condition...he's married."

'Ugh! Your bloody father's become a vegan'

"Perhaps you should call your mother - I think the tide would like to come in."

"Admit it, you've been seeing my wife!"

Hipster Replacement

"What's so wrong with always living in the present?"

"First date hairball... awkward."

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

Excess Baggage: By the time the male of the species admits he is lost. It is generally too late.

Reading the sports pages.

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

"If you think I ride too fast, Susan...just say so!"

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

...My feng shui would be incompatible with your sumo wrestling.

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

"Open a wine that will make me want to watch the shows you want to watch."

"It's Doris Kearns Goodwin. Is there anything we'd like to know about the Presidency?"

"You don't sniff my butt anymore."

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

Aging Problems

'Admit it, you've been laughing behind my back ever since 1957 when we went in that hall of mirrors in Skegness!'

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'...and another thing - why do I always have to sleep in the wet spot?'

'Could you scoot your chair over this way a little dear?'

Missing Persons - "50 years old, 16 stone and bad tempered... Are you sure you want her back?"

'What d'you mean, I never take you anywhere-who took you to the Festival of Britain?'

'Roger, you're just a Rooster and I'm just a Hen. Is all of this necessary?'

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."