Relationship Humor Seeker Gifts

Will robots ever replace man?

'She'll take my name? How do I know this isn't just an identity theft scheme?'

'He owns a bank. I've always been attracted to loaners.'

"I'm looking for a new doctor. My old doctor had a preexisting condition...he's married."

'Ugh! Your bloody father's become a vegan'

"Perhaps you should call your mother - I think the tide would like to come in."

"Admit it, you've been seeing my wife!"

Hipster Replacement

"What's so wrong with always living in the present?"

"First date hairball... awkward."

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

Excess Baggage: By the time the male of the species admits he is lost. It is generally too late.

Reading the sports pages.

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

"If you think I ride too fast, Susan...just say so!"

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

...My feng shui would be incompatible with your sumo wrestling.

Early man wasn't exactly enthusiastic about the development of language.

"Open a wine that will make me want to watch the shows you want to watch."

"It's Doris Kearns Goodwin. Is there anything we'd like to know about the Presidency?"

"You don't sniff my butt anymore."

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

'Admit it, you've been laughing behind my back ever since 1957 when we went in that hall of mirrors in Skegness!'

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

Randy the Love Doctor. What ails you, brother? My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony. But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike? Of course. That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all. Exactly ... Wait, what do you mean by that?

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

Aging Problems

One cheese omelette, and I've never cheated on my husband. Um, okay. Anything else? A side of hash browns for this one-man woman! And a chocolate as hot and sweet as my intensely singular love for this phenomenal guy. Chuck? Yes dear? I've been having an affair for the last six months. Oh don't act surprised. One scone, and what the @#$% just happened? The denial and snacks before the storm.

Bowling. 24 Lanes. Going bowling for date night with my girlfriend as a bad idea. A split was inevitable.

"You knew I was high maintenance when we met."

'Roger, you're just a Rooster and I'm just a Hen. Is all of this necessary?'