Relationship Humor Seekers Gifts

'Hello, Veronica...Yes, it's me again. And once again I'm watching myself watching you...'

Life is for the birds.

Hello. I'm Ferdinand. I'll be monitoring the levels of bull at your table this evening. Menu. Menu.

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

Excess Baggage: By the time the male of the species admits he is lost. It is generally too late.

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

Reading the sports pages.

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

...My feng shui would be incompatible with your sumo wrestling.

"If you think I ride too fast, Susan...just say so!"

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

"What's so wrong with always living in the present?"

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

Early man wasn't exactly enthusiastic about the development of language.

Randy the Love Doctor. What ails you, brother? My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony. But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike? Of course. That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all. Exactly ... Wait, what do you mean by that?

Aging Problems

'Admit it, you've been laughing behind my back ever since 1957 when we went in that hall of mirrors in Skegness!'

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

"Trust me. It's no big deal. I'm even tuning you out right now."

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

'Could you scoot your chair over this way a little dear?'

'Have you beed seeing other females?'

Still Lives: 'What's wrong, don't you love me anymore?'

'...and another thing - why do I always have to sleep in the wet spot?'

Missing Persons - "50 years old, 16 stone and bad tempered... Are you sure you want her back?"

"I do want to talk about your feelings but first let's talk about cheese."

Bowling. 24 Lanes. Going bowling for date night with my girlfriend as a bad idea. A split was inevitable.

'What d'you mean, I never take you anywhere-who took you to the Festival of Britain?'

"You knew I was high maintenance when we met."

'His ego needs lipo suction!'

"Well that's the last of our offspring gone - let battle commence."

'I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer.'

'You've been faking it, haven't you?'

'No, you don't have hemorrhoids. You have a case of himorrhoids, has your husband been a pain in the butt, lately?'

'Tell me father, why do only 10% of women go to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be hell.'