Relationship Humor Seekers Pillows

'Hello, Veronica...Yes, it's me again. And once again I'm watching myself watching you...'

Life is for the birds.

Excess Baggage: By the time the male of the species admits he is lost. It is generally too late.

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

Reading the sports pages.

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

...My feng shui would be incompatible with your sumo wrestling.

"If you think I ride too fast, Susan...just say so!"

"What's so wrong with always living in the present?"

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

'Admit it, you've been laughing behind my back ever since 1957 when we went in that hall of mirrors in Skegness!'

Aging Problems

"I do want to talk about your feelings but first let's talk about cheese."

Missing Persons - "50 years old, 16 stone and bad tempered... Are you sure you want her back?"

'What d'you mean, I never take you anywhere-who took you to the Festival of Britain?'

"You knew I was high maintenance when we met."

'...and another thing - why do I always have to sleep in the wet spot?'

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

'His ego needs lipo suction!'

"Trust me. It's no big deal. I'm even tuning you out right now."

'Could you scoot your chair over this way a little dear?'

Still Lives: 'What's wrong, don't you love me anymore?'

"Well that's the last of our offspring gone - let battle commence."

'Have you beed seeing other females?'

'I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer.'

'Tell me father, why do only 10% of women go to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be hell.'

'I used to think it was her red dress, but I've discovered I find your mother irritating in any color.'

'You've been faking it, haven't you?'