Relationship Humor Pillows

'I love being married to a statistician. I can make him say whatever I want.'

"My boyfriend is insanely jealous. He does nothing all day but watch cartoons and plot revenge on any other men I talk to."

'There you go again, jumping to the wrong conclusions'

"Yes Dear, Yes Dear, Yes Dear"

'Wow! It works! My personalized configuration is up and running!'

"I came here because my podiatrist said he couldn't help me with my cold fee."

I get the impression you find our sex life boring.

'There, there, dear -- they're all alike.'

"Jean's going through another one of her aggresive phases."

'Let's put the past behind us, Lois. And if you don't mind, let's include whatever I do on my upcoming trip to Altoona.'

"Is the light bothering you?"

"My husband! My best friend! My 1200 count Egyptian cotton sheets!"

'A catered affair?! You're going to cheat on me and your diet?!'

'Ok, I apologize, but I'm still right!'

"We haven't drifted apart, just be honest, you've changed!!'

'What - you don't want to marry me after you became rich and famous? Oh, great! Now I've got to think about a new pension plan!'

As far as women were concerned Don had a special kind of magnetism

'We never go out. We have no social life. We have no income. We have no friends. We're sexually too compatible.'

'Seperate cheques?'

'You've been faking it, haven't you?'

'I'm leaving you, Scott. You're too clingy.'

Wife watching Desperate Housewives with desperate husband

'Hello Darling, I am on the bed with the window cleaner.'

'She is critical of every woman I bring home.'

'He's a man of many parts-although none of them work in the bedroom.'

'I don't think of you as a sex object, Irene -- I think of you as two sex objects!'

'I'm not sure why we're still together. I mean, aside from the rope.'

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

"Damn it, Maureen! You just don't break up a winning combination!"

"Do you want to tell him he's taking all the fun out of our marriage or shall I?"

"I'm going out for a loaf of bread, dear-never to return."

Ben & Muriel's (Formerly Ben & Mary's)

Final score: her-1, you-0

"That word-puzzle gloat of yours is getting old fast."

"'Go home and watch the game.' Ha, ha. Oh, honey, ha, ha, ha, you kill me!"