Relationship Humor Fans Pillows

"They're all sons of bitches."

As she came into season, Trixie know the relationship had to end.

"I'd like to swap him for an Italian, please."

'Have you found my husband's temper yet?'

'So as you were approaching, did the fact that ten other flies were stuck there, not alert you to the fact that the paint might be WET?'

"You come out of there, Harry. We're not done talking."

'I'm sorry, honey, but you knew I had feet of clay from the first day we met!'

'Oh for crying out loud, Harold! Using a pencil to sign the marriage certificate? Can't you commit to anything?'

"What's the matter with us? - We don't talk anymore. . ."

"If I'd known my life was going to be like this I'd never have run away with you."

"I'll be honest with you, I expected more based on your name."

"I asked Dad and he said it was married life after the honeymoon. Is that really what Purgatory means?"

"You can have anything you want on your birthday, dear ... except bracelets."

"Well that's the last of our offspring gone - let battle commence."

Woman buys a posh wine with which to cosh her husband.

"Are you going to embarrass me AGAIN?"

'That's my wife, my lover, my girlfriend, my mistress, my fiance, and the girl next door...'

'You're seeing someone else, aren't you?'

'Guess who I swopped insurance details with.'

'Listen, I'm flattered, but it's safer for you if we just stay friends...'

'You won't have me as a deduction anymore.'

'Still no signs of your husband's memory returning!'

Hello. I'm Ferdinand. I'll be monitoring the levels of bull at your table this evening. Menu. Menu.

"You're refusing to hold hands with me? But we've been dating for weeks! What's changed you all of a sudden?" "It became more and more obvious what a big Cheryl Crow fan you are! That's what!"

'-so I left Doris with no hard feelings.'

His and Hers

'He's very weak. Try to keep the nagging to an hour a day.'

'I don't care if you've got celebrity endorsement nigel. I still don't fancy you.'

Rose and Cactus.

Life is for the birds.

"It's a wedding gift from my mother in law."

Gloria, why did you send me a text last night reading, "I ovulate tomorrow."? Because I assume you don't have a biological-clock app on your phone.

You mean none of you took out the trash? Why you rarely see a female polygamist.

Inhhhhh ... Exhhhh

'It's not that I don't find you attractive, Betty. Just a little bit ... well ... old-fashioned!'