Relationship Comedy Fans Pillows

"Look, I'm very sorry Judy but I really feel I need a new porpoise in life."

'Honey, I swear to you, Lapland is not a gentlemen's club.'

'My New Year's resolution is to stop playing around on my wife.. so we'll have to quit this at midnight.'

Life is for the birds.

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"First date hairball... awkward."

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

Romeo & Juliet & Ron

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

'Stop staring and make a wish!'

Adam and Eve: Reconcilable Differences

"You keep fumblin' with that bra, Cowboy, and you're never gettin' to second base."

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

"That was Copernicus on the phone – he says you're NOT the centre of the universe!"

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

"My wife says she wants you to make me fit for purpose."

"Open a wine that will make me want to watch the shows you want to watch."

'If you must know, yes, I do sometimes fake purring.'

"You don't sniff my butt anymore."

"It's Doris Kearns Goodwin. Is there anything we'd like to know about the Presidency?"

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

"Phil, honey, do you ever think about taking our relationship to the next level?"

'It started with a kiss - then their nose rings got locked.'

The Plinth Wedding Planner Co.

' You're wonderful.' 'I know.'

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

"He was a rescue."

'Roger, you're just a Rooster and I'm just a Hen. Is all of this necessary?'

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

'Can't you be happy without forever whistling?'