Relationship Humor Aficionados Pillows

"But, Denise, if we stay married six more weeks, we can go into syndication!"

'This is no time for a snail's pace.'

"Everytime we have an argument you gotta drag my mother into it!"

"Not too big a garden-my wife tires easily!"

"Stop touching me Steve!"

Life is for the birds.

Hello. I'm Ferdinand. I'll be monitoring the levels of bull at your table this evening. Menu. Menu.

"First date hairball... awkward."

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

Excess Baggage: By the time the male of the species admits he is lost. It is generally too late.

"You're hogging the covers again!"

Reading the sports pages.

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

...My feng shui would be incompatible with your sumo wrestling.

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

"If you think I ride too fast, Susan...just say so!"

Early man wasn't exactly enthusiastic about the development of language.

"Open a wine that will make me want to watch the shows you want to watch."

"It's Doris Kearns Goodwin. Is there anything we'd like to know about the Presidency?"

"You don't sniff my butt anymore."

Randy the Love Doctor. What ails you, brother? My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony. But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike? Of course. That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all. Exactly ... Wait, what do you mean by that?

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

"I lose more girlfriends that way."

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'Now that hunting season is over, I'd suggest separate vacations.'

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

Aging Problems

'Admit it, you've been laughing behind my back ever since 1957 when we went in that hall of mirrors in Skegness!'

'Have you beed seeing other females?'

'...and another thing - why do I always have to sleep in the wet spot?'

One cheese omelette, and I've never cheated on my husband. Um, okay. Anything else? A side of hash browns for this one-man woman! And a chocolate as hot and sweet as my intensely singular love for this phenomenal guy. Chuck? Yes dear? I've been having an affair for the last six months. Oh don't act surprised. One scone, and what the @#$% just happened? The denial and snacks before the storm.