Relationship Humor Aficionados Pillows

"But, Denise, if we stay married six more weeks, we can go into syndication!"

'This is no time for a snail's pace.'

"Everytime we have an argument you gotta drag my mother into it!"

"Not too big a garden-my wife tires easily!"

"Stop touching me Steve!"

Life is for the birds.

"First date hairball... awkward."

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

Reading the sports pages.

Excess Baggage: By the time the male of the species admits he is lost. It is generally too late.

"You're hogging the covers again!"

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

"If you think I ride too fast, Susan...just say so!"

...My feng shui would be incompatible with your sumo wrestling.

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

"Open a wine that will make me want to watch the shows you want to watch."

"You don't sniff my butt anymore."

"It's Doris Kearns Goodwin. Is there anything we'd like to know about the Presidency?"

Aging Problems

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

"I lose more girlfriends that way."

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

'Now that hunting season is over, I'd suggest separate vacations.'

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

'Admit it, you've been laughing behind my back ever since 1957 when we went in that hall of mirrors in Skegness!'

'I don't care how comfortable you feel with me. This reels weird for a first date.'

'What d'you mean, I never take you anywhere-who took you to the Festival of Britain?'

'Roger, you're just a Rooster and I'm just a Hen. Is all of this necessary?'

"That's right, Carl. I'm bitchy. I'm supposed to be bitchy."

'Have you beed seeing other females?'

Missing Persons - "50 years old, 16 stone and bad tempered... Are you sure you want her back?"