Relationship Humor Aficionado Pillows

"Honey, I still think you're the greatest."

"I'm sorry Bob. After you disappeared, I made a new life with Fred."

"My wife has decided to divorce my mother!"

'You're home early?...How could you be so cliche?'

'Yes, I suppose I can learn to live with the pain in my foot. After all, I've been living with a pain in the neck for years!'

It's just not going to work. I'm looking for a mole with more tunnel vision.

'Will the shields be sufficient or should I activate the ceiling mounted ablative armour?'

It was official. She was desperate.

'My wife used to be more discreet about going through my pockets.'

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

Man unknowingly arousing woman from outside his car

'I got rid of my mobile phone when my husband started sexting me.'

'My wife would like to borrow some sugar.'

'You're late! What's your excuse this time?'

'No, everything is not all right. My date ran out without leaving money to pay the bill!'

A wife is jealous of her husband's wandering eye.

"A gentleman would open the door for me."

"Not tonight, I Have A Haddock!"

"I'm sick of going on blind dates!"

"I can't take you anywhere!"

"Penny for your thoughts, Frank."

"I'm leaving. You're obsessed with football."

"Be honest with me, Jane! Is there somebody else?"

"No more for me, thanks - I have to denigrate his driving."

"You're hogging the covers again!"

A couple imitating their surroundings.

"I said 'blow job' not 'blow chunks'."

'Harold! Have you been putting notices on the front door again?'

"...and will you, Elaine, promise never to shock Harold by holding your ice cold feet surprisingly against his naked belly?"

'Darling, I want you to meet my...er...boss.'

'Question number one: Does your wife ask you questions from women's magazines?'

'I've heard the human brain is like a computer. If this is true, my husband's brain is more like a search engine... specialized on beer and crisps!'

'Oh yeh...well you were hardly 'catch of the day' either.'

"There's no need to hurry back from the pub. I'm going to have a headache."

"It's your turn to throw out the dishes."