Relationship Humor Aficionado Gifts

"Honey, I still think you're the greatest."

"I'm sorry Bob. After you disappeared, I made a new life with Fred."

"My wife has decided to divorce my mother!"

'You're home early?...How could you be so cliche?'

'Yes, I suppose I can learn to live with the pain in my foot. After all, I've been living with a pain in the neck for years!'

'I'm sorry, ma'am, but the Cash for Clunkers program is good only for vehicles...'

It's just not going to work. I'm looking for a mole with more tunnel vision.

'Will the shields be sufficient or should I activate the ceiling mounted ablative armour?'

It was official. She was desperate.

'My wife used to be more discreet about going through my pockets.'

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

Man unknowingly arousing woman from outside his car

'I got rid of my mobile phone when my husband started sexting me.'

'My wife would like to borrow some sugar.'

'You're late! What's your excuse this time?'

'No, everything is not all right. My date ran out without leaving money to pay the bill!'

A wife is jealous of her husband's wandering eye.

"A gentleman would open the door for me."

"Not tonight, I Have A Haddock!"

"I'm sick of going on blind dates!"

"I can't take you anywhere!"

"Penny for your thoughts, Frank."

"I'm leaving. You're obsessed with football."

Pat's husband didn't understand the concept of putting the seat down.

"Be honest with me, Jane! Is there somebody else?"

"No more for me, thanks - I have to denigrate his driving."

"You're hogging the covers again!"

A couple imitating their surroundings.

Bris Mobile

"I said 'blow job' not 'blow chunks'."

The woman Frank's dating said he's like a computer. That's nice. Maybe she said that because of his logical mind. Or that he can handle multiple tasks at one time. Or because he can provide lots of information about any topic. No, she said none of those things are true about Frank. She thinks he's like a computer because when she stops paying attention to him, he goes right to sleep.

'Harold! Have you been putting notices on the front door again?'

"...and will you, Elaine, promise never to shock Harold by holding your ice cold feet surprisingly against his naked belly?"

'Darling, I want you to meet my...er...boss.'

How a G.P.S. is like PMS....they both tell you where to go.