Lover Of Relationship Humor Gifts

"I'm at my nastiest tonight."

'Do you do trade-ins?'

Woman manipulating her man

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

Life is for the birds.

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

"First date hairball... awkward."

Hello. I'm Ferdinand. I'll be monitoring the levels of bull at your table this evening. Menu. Menu.

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

"I said I'd give you the world, didn't I?"

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"You really ought to cut down on your scream time."

'Well, thanks, but we have no need of a Divorce Lawyer: We're Lovebirds you see...'

"You're hogging the covers again!"

Excess Baggage: By the time the male of the species admits he is lost. It is generally too late.

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"I'm Lester Holt, and this, is date night."

Reading the sports pages.

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

When at a loss for words Colin would often resort to communicating through the medium of contemporary dance.

Always Compatible

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

...My feng shui would be incompatible with your sumo wrestling.

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

'Whaddya mean, 'Quit hogging the blanket'? There's a blanket in here?

"I've learned something about you tonight, Alan. You say 'chowmein' when you mean 'lomein'."

"What's with the Tim Russert act?"

I think you'll find that I'm easily encouraged. For instance, the fact that the two exclamation points above your head are tempered by one question mark gives me great hope. !?!

"I love a woman with a sense of humour."