Relationship Humor Devotee Gifts

"He does it to you because you're hateful"

Life is for the birds.

Hello. I'm Ferdinand. I'll be monitoring the levels of bull at your table this evening. Menu. Menu.

"First date hairball... awkward."

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

"You're hogging the covers again!"

Excess Baggage: By the time the male of the species admits he is lost. It is generally too late.

Reading the sports pages.

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

"If you think I ride too fast, Susan...just say so!"

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

...My feng shui would be incompatible with your sumo wrestling.

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

Early man wasn't exactly enthusiastic about the development of language.

"Open a wine that will make me want to watch the shows you want to watch."

"It's Doris Kearns Goodwin. Is there anything we'd like to know about the Presidency?"

"You don't sniff my butt anymore."

Aging Problems

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

Randy the Love Doctor. What ails you, brother? My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony. But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike? Of course. That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all. Exactly ... Wait, what do you mean by that?

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

'Admit it, you've been laughing behind my back ever since 1957 when we went in that hall of mirrors in Skegness!'

'Have you beed seeing other females?'

'His ego needs lipo suction!'

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

'What d'you mean, I never take you anywhere-who took you to the Festival of Britain?'

'Roger, you're just a Rooster and I'm just a Hen. Is all of this necessary?'

"You knew I was high maintenance when we met."

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

Bowling. 24 Lanes. Going bowling for date night with my girlfriend as a bad idea. A split was inevitable.

Missing Persons - "50 years old, 16 stone and bad tempered... Are you sure you want her back?"