Relationship Humor Fan Gifts

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

'These marks measure how tall the children are growing, the others measure how wide Jeff is getting.'

'Sorry, I'm afraid it was a false alarm. It turns out that 'the emergency gas leak' was my husband.'

'We're not your typical couple. I'm the extrovert, and Bernie's the shy one.'

"That was my husband...apparently he's playing golf with you...."

"Open a wine that will make me want to watch the shows you want to watch."

"I'm not in a breakfast-fixing mood just now."

"Password-sharing?! I only agreed to exchange vows...No one said anything about exchanging passwords!"

'If you must know, I'm looking for a loophole...!'

'I think it's only fair to warn you that I am sometimes subject to mood swings, you INSENSITIVE JERK!!!'

"So, Beatriz, what do your parents think of your boyfriend?"

'My love life is terrible. Every night my wife has a headache and every morning I have a hangover.'

'Change my name to yours? That's silly, whoever heard of a girl named Ralph?'

My husband always shooting his mouth off phobia.

'Let this be a warning. You talk to my girlfriend again and I'll do more than rearrange your face!'

"No, she likes me best!"

'See, it's right here in the prenup. Just because I rise, it doesn't necessarily mean I have to shine.'

"It's Doris Kearns Goodwin. Is there anything we'd like to know about the Presidency?"

"Are you still in your original packaging? I've been thinking about returning you."

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

'I'm looking for a man just like you - only taller, more handsome and richer.'

"Don't forget to get some rocks while you're out."

"Stay away from her, Mate. She's a real home-wreaker"

"This happens every time someone wants to speak to the head of the household."

"Has anyone turned in a temper? He keeps losing his.X"

'Marriage is a serious matter, Ed. I can't discuss it with you until you go home and change your clothes.'

"I don't know how many times I've told him about leaving empty toilet rolls in the bathroom."

What do I want out of our relationship? Same thing anyone wants. Good value.

What's thirty to life compared to thge certain knowledge the toilet seat stays down ?

'Let's not fight, Ted, it's our first date.'

"Next year could you just get me the chocolates!"

'What do you mean; 'how long is my mother staying for?' I thought she was your mother!'

"Whoever she runs to wins custody."

'Oh - I hope you didn't have anything planned for the next few days - my back has just locked up!'

'There's a simple explanation, dear. Someone stole my identity.'