Relationship Humor Enthusiast Gifts

"Sweetheart, I don't want anyone to make you unhappy except me."

"You have irritable-spouse syndrome."

Mrs. Frosty Has A Hot Flash.

Metal Worker Accused of Cheating On Wife.

"Ever since you yelled at me I've been getting ads from divorce lawyers."

'This is Malcolm, my insignificant other.'

"My wife never believes me. No matter what I tell her, she says it sounds fishy."

"Something's wrong - I can tell by the way you're flipping me off."

"Hi! I'm the Bluebird of Happiness. Can I get your ex-wife's new address?"

"Your father and I want to explain why we've decided to live apart."

'So what did the Plumber think of your suggestions dear...?'

'Our marriage is built on trust and understanding - I don't trust her and she doesn't understand me.'

'I'm not arguing - you're arguing.'

"The night-before pill for me, the morning-after one for her."

'I tried to get him to reinvent himself, but he said he couldn't get a patent.'

'We were perfectly compatible until we learned to talk.'

'Our relationship is worse than I thought. I say 'tomato,' you say 'keg of beer.''

'Look, either tell me your name or the marriage is off.'

"Say those three little words you think I need to hear."

'You can't stand the sight of me, can you, Algernon?'

"I thought I saw your old boyfriend"

'Never, under any circumstance, is a male to diagnose P.M.S.!!!'

"I'm not pretending to be asleep—I'm pretending to be sexually satisfied."

'I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer.'

'I buy you a book to help our marriage, and what do you do? You eat it.'

"I thought I told you to wash that man right out of your hair and send him on his way."

'I'm tired of this one-sided relationship. My tail never wants to chase me.'

'I don't think that it's going to work out between us,'

"I said more sex, Barry, more SEX!"

"Go ahead Slinky, leave me.. you'll come crawling back."

"Sorry, your accident insurance doesn't cover you forgetting your twenty second wedding anniversary."

DIVORCE COURT, 'Not only did she get the house and the car, I also have to train my replacement.'

'There's a lot that men don't know about women. I find that reassuring.'

'... and they lived co-dependently ever after...'

Oh good...you're not busy