Relationship Humor Enthusiast Gifts

"Sweetheart, I don't want anyone to make you unhappy except me."

"You have irritable-spouse syndrome."

Mrs. Frosty Has A Hot Flash.

Metal Worker Accused of Cheating On Wife.

"Ever since you yelled at me I've been getting ads from divorce lawyers."

'This is Malcolm, my insignificant other.'

"Something's wrong - I can tell by the way you're flipping me off."

"Hi! I'm the Bluebird of Happiness. Can I get your ex-wife's new address?"

"Your father and I want to explain why we've decided to live apart."

"My wife never believes me. No matter what I tell her, she says it sounds fishy."

'So what did the Plumber think of your suggestions dear...?'

'Our marriage is built on trust and understanding - I don't trust her and she doesn't understand me.'

"The night-before pill for me, the morning-after one for her."

'We were perfectly compatible until we learned to talk.'

'I tried to get him to reinvent himself, but he said he couldn't get a patent.'

'I'm not arguing - you're arguing.'

"I'm not pretending to be asleep—I'm pretending to be sexually satisfied."

'Never, under any circumstance, is a male to diagnose P.M.S.!!!'

"Say those three little words you think I need to hear."

'You can't stand the sight of me, can you, Algernon?'

'Look, either tell me your name or the marriage is off.'

'Our relationship is worse than I thought. I say 'tomato,' you say 'keg of beer.''

'I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer.'

"I thought I saw your old boyfriend"

A couple in bed. The man is reading 'The Joy of Abstinence'.

'I'm finished with the towels so I left them on the floor. Now where can I leave my husband?'

"You're unemployed, dummy!"

'My wife's made you homeless!'

"Go ahead Slinky, leave me.. you'll come crawling back."

"Thanks heavens your Mothers gone. It's hard work being nice to you"

'... and they lived co-dependently ever after...'

"How do you think we should celebrate our wedding anniversary?"

Tunnel of Marriage

"I figured since woman are always using me..."

"I never said I liked this show...I'm only enjoying it because you hate it."