Relationship Comedy Enthusiast Gifts

"All right, all right, have it your way, Mrs. McCourtney. He's sitting right here, guzzling booze with a couple of blondes."

"I'd like a girl, and he wants a paternity test."

"Oh my God! My Second Husband!"

Life is for the birds.

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

Hello. I'm Ferdinand. I'll be monitoring the levels of bull at your table this evening. Menu. Menu.

"First date hairball... awkward."

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

'Stop staring and make a wish!'

"You're hogging the covers again!"

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

"That was Copernicus on the phone – he says you're NOT the centre of the universe!"

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

"My wife says she wants you to make me fit for purpose."

"Open a wine that will make me want to watch the shows you want to watch."

"It's Doris Kearns Goodwin. Is there anything we'd like to know about the Presidency?"

"You don't sniff my butt anymore."

"Phil, honey, do you ever think about taking our relationship to the next level?"

'If I inspired this love peom, how come it's written on the back of a Hooters' napkin?'

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

'Admit it, you've been laughing behind my back ever since 1957 when we went in that hall of mirrors in Skegness!'

Debbie greatly misinterpreted the marriage counselor's suggestion that she and Tom have a monthly 'date night.'

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

' You're wonderful.' 'I know.'

'There you go again...constantly snagging!'

'Roger, you're just a Rooster and I'm just a Hen. Is all of this necessary?'

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

'man trouble? What you need is a big piece of cake.'

'His ego needs lipo suction!'