Relationship Comedy Fan Gifts

“Stop avoiding me. I know when you are sleeping. I know when you are awake.”

That Pesky 'Why' Chromosome.

'What's the matter? -- You told me to make your sister feel at home.'

"Uh, don't you think you're taking this bay-talk a little too far?"

"Not liking your wife's cooking is not an eating disorder."

"And another thing . . ."

"This is so stupid...why would Smiley go on a date with me?"

"I remember when young men met girls in person!"

"You can skip all that love, honour and obey, baloney, just make him promise to put the toilet seat down!"

"There you are - late as usual!"

DIVORCE COURT, 'Are you free for dinner later?', 'See what I mean?'

'-And do you Henry Wilcox...'

"Maybe my argument will make more sense if I run it through some of these sick effects pedals."

"And another thing - I'm tired of you taking me for granite."

'Admit it! you're seeing another woman aren't you?'

"Oh god! Everybody knows I'm single!"

"I'm glad we sorted out any issues between us."

'Things could be worse. Instead of being stuck here I could be stuck in the house with your mother.'

'I've been desperately waiting for you and all you say is 'You'll catch your death dressed like that'.'

'I'm in a bad mood, Bob. Don't try to 'Jim Carey' me.'

"I'm finding it difficult to apologize to you,so I've decided to divorce you instead!"

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

'Sorry, but I'm going to have to let you go. Both as an employee and as a husband.'

'I know you've been sleeping with my conjoined twin brother, now where is he hiding?'

'Darling, I want you to meet my, er, boss.'

"I'll make your dreams come true, I'm moving back to my mother's."

How about a date tonight? No way...I am getting married today! Well, how about tomorrow then?

"Last week, actually – thanks for noticing."

"I knew it."

Sadie, I'm getting cold feet about swinging with another couple. What? Not now! I know I said I'd be willing to let you argue with another man, but I can't stand the idea. What if you like arguing with him more than me? What if

"Can Hilary come out to abstain from having sex?"

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Life is for the birds.

'Oh, Arthur...You sweet, blind, mad, dear, silly fool....Don't you see it could never last?'

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"