Relationship Joke Fan Gifts

'We don't bond any more.'

Life is for the birds.

"First date hairball... awkward."

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

You were warned about mixed marriages.

"You're hogging the covers again!"

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

"Open a wine that will make me want to watch the shows you want to watch."

"It's Doris Kearns Goodwin. Is there anything we'd like to know about the Presidency?"

"You don't sniff my butt anymore."

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'Admit it, you've been laughing behind my back ever since 1957 when we went in that hall of mirrors in Skegness!'

'They were all out of roses.'

'Roger, you're just a Rooster and I'm just a Hen. Is all of this necessary?'

Still Lives: 'What's wrong, don't you love me anymore?'

"Trust me. It's no big deal. I'm even tuning you out right now."

"Well that's the last of our offspring gone - let battle commence."

'His ego needs lipo suction!'

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

'I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer.'

What do I want out of our relationship? Same thing anyone wants. Good value.

"When I'm with you, Ted, I feel dirty."

"If you'll have me, I'd like to be your blind spot."

'Darling, this is my ex. You know, the one I said you were twice the man of.'

"Manfred, don't get so defensive!"