Relationship Joke Enthusiasts Gifts

"Not tonight, Hon—I'm trying to cut down."

"My wife's career is in ruins... She's an archaeologist!"

Life is for the birds.

"First date hairball... awkward."

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

You were warned about mixed marriages.

Excess Baggage: By the time the male of the species admits he is lost. It is generally too late.

"You're hogging the covers again!"

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

"Open a wine that will make me want to watch the shows you want to watch."

"You don't sniff my butt anymore."

"It's Doris Kearns Goodwin. Is there anything we'd like to know about the Presidency?"

'Admit it, you've been laughing behind my back ever since 1957 when we went in that hall of mirrors in Skegness!'

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

'They were all out of roses.'

"A word of advice, sir...when your wife reaches for another slice of pizza, never, ever say, 'Are you sure you should be eating that?'"

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

"Trust me. It's no big deal. I'm even tuning you out right now."

'His ego needs lipo suction!'

Still Lives: 'What's wrong, don't you love me anymore?'

'Roger, you're just a Rooster and I'm just a Hen. Is all of this necessary?'

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

"Well that's the last of our offspring gone - let battle commence."

'Could you scoot your chair over this way a little dear?'

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

'I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer.'

What do I want out of our relationship? Same thing anyone wants. Good value.