Relationship Joke Lover Gifts

You were warned about mixed marriages.

'I bludgeon all day and she bludgeons all night, if you catch my drift.'

'Forget about marriage conselling: Me, I sent Max to Obedience School instead...'

"You don't even ignore me anymore!"

"I keep changing his ringtone to the sound of loud snoring. Now he knows what I go through every night."

"I broke up with him! I couldn't trust him anymore: I kept finding ginger hair in his hairballs. . ."

Life is for the birds.

Einstein's T-Shirt reads: My Wife Doesn't Understand Me.

Hello. I'm Ferdinand. I'll be monitoring the levels of bull at your table this evening. Menu. Menu.

"First date hairball... awkward."

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

Reading the sports pages.

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

Excess Baggage: By the time the male of the species admits he is lost. It is generally too late.

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

"If you think I ride too fast, Susan...just say so!"

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

...My feng shui would be incompatible with your sumo wrestling.

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

Early man wasn't exactly enthusiastic about the development of language.

"Open a wine that will make me want to watch the shows you want to watch."

"You don't sniff my butt anymore."

"It's Doris Kearns Goodwin. Is there anything we'd like to know about the Presidency?"

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

Aging Problems

'Admit it, you've been laughing behind my back ever since 1957 when we went in that hall of mirrors in Skegness!'

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

Randy the Love Doctor. What ails you, brother? My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony. But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike? Of course. That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all. Exactly ... Wait, what do you mean by that?

'They were all out of roses.'

"A word of advice, sir...when your wife reaches for another slice of pizza, never, ever say, 'Are you sure you should be eating that?'"

'...and another thing - why do I always have to sleep in the wet spot?'

"Trust me. It's no big deal. I'm even tuning you out right now."