Relationship Joke Lover Pillows

You were warned about mixed marriages.

'I bludgeon all day and she bludgeons all night, if you catch my drift.'

'Forget about marriage conselling: Me, I sent Max to Obedience School instead...'

"You don't even ignore me anymore!"

"I keep changing his ringtone to the sound of loud snoring. Now he knows what I go through every night."

"I broke up with him! I couldn't trust him anymore: I kept finding ginger hair in his hairballs. . ."

Life is for the birds.

"First date hairball... awkward."

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

Excess Baggage: By the time the male of the species admits he is lost. It is generally too late.

Reading the sports pages.

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

"If you think I ride too fast, Susan...just say so!"

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

...My feng shui would be incompatible with your sumo wrestling.

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

"Open a wine that will make me want to watch the shows you want to watch."

"You don't sniff my butt anymore."

"It's Doris Kearns Goodwin. Is there anything we'd like to know about the Presidency?"

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

Aging Problems

'Admit it, you've been laughing behind my back ever since 1957 when we went in that hall of mirrors in Skegness!'

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

"A word of advice, sir...when your wife reaches for another slice of pizza, never, ever say, 'Are you sure you should be eating that?'"

'They were all out of roses.'

'...and another thing - why do I always have to sleep in the wet spot?'

'What d'you mean, I never take you anywhere-who took you to the Festival of Britain?'

'Roger, you're just a Rooster and I'm just a Hen. Is all of this necessary?'

'Have you beed seeing other females?'

Missing Persons - "50 years old, 16 stone and bad tempered... Are you sure you want her back?"

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'