Relationship Joke Enthusiast Pillows

"Could be just a coincidence, but that whining noise seems to stop when your husband gets out of the car."

"First date hairball... awkward."

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

You were warned about mixed marriages.

Excess Baggage: By the time the male of the species admits he is lost. It is generally too late.

"You're hogging the covers again!"

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

"Open a wine that will make me want to watch the shows you want to watch."

"You don't sniff my butt anymore."

"It's Doris Kearns Goodwin. Is there anything we'd like to know about the Presidency?"

'Admit it, you've been laughing behind my back ever since 1957 when we went in that hall of mirrors in Skegness!'

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

'They were all out of roses.'

"A word of advice, sir...when your wife reaches for another slice of pizza, never, ever say, 'Are you sure you should be eating that?'"

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

Still Lives: 'What's wrong, don't you love me anymore?'

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

'Roger, you're just a Rooster and I'm just a Hen. Is all of this necessary?'

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

'He's wearing a toupee.'

'His ego needs lipo suction!'

"Trust me. It's no big deal. I'm even tuning you out right now."

'I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer.'

'I used to think it was her red dress, but I've discovered I find your mother irritating in any color.'

What do I want out of our relationship? Same thing anyone wants. Good value.

'You've been faking it, haven't you?'