Relationship Joke Appreciator Pillows

"After lockdown I decided to get rid of a load of stuff I haven't needed in a while."

"We first met on the net. We began to court, but between my foul mouth and Wilson being on the rebound...let's just say it was a long shot, but he pressed, and I was defenseless. Now, we're as 'hoopy' as can be."

"...so it appears we were talking to his butt that entire time."

What's an Imax cave?

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

You were warned about mixed marriages.

Laughing Zone Ahead

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

Florist. A vase for everything and everything in its vase.

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

'No, you can't just watch the end of Bargainhunt!'

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

"You'll feel a pinch and then a burn."

'Excuse me, I ordered Matzo Ball soup.'

'HEY! Shouldn't that be a reef-knot?!'

"Have you had a stressful experience lately, such as an accident?"

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

"...you mean this is the end of the 3 bandidoes?"

'The guy at the end of the bar, would like to know if he can get you to buy him another drink?'

'I'm counter - intelligence'

'Cycle shop' selling puncture repair kits next door to a 'Sex shop' selling inflatable dolls

"A word of advice, sir...when your wife reaches for another slice of pizza, never, ever say, 'Are you sure you should be eating that?'"

'...Oh yeah? Well I've never heard of the 'denture fairy'.'

OMG.

Medicine bottle - If symptoms persist, die!

"...and the dung was this big!.... No...elephant, actually."

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

Split the last one?

Due to Global Warming Penguins have been Spotted Far from their Natural Habitat

'This isn't Armageddon... it's a bar brawl on a Saturday night. Let Pestilence read the map.'

"It's my autobiography. I call it, 'I Married Her For Her Money, And Other Gross Miscalculations'."

"Calm down! That was a massive fart, NOT a sneeze!"

"The best things in life are free. The rest are married."

'I'd probably do a lot better if the teachers weren't set to 'auto-correct.''