Relationship Joke Appreciators Pillows

"A word of advice, sir...when your wife reaches for another slice of pizza, never, ever say, 'Are you sure you should be eating that?'"

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

"...so it appears we were talking to his butt that entire time."

You were warned about mixed marriages.

Laughing Zone Ahead

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

'No, you can't just watch the end of Bargainhunt!'

'Excuse me, I ordered Matzo Ball soup.'

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

"You'll feel a pinch and then a burn."

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

'HEY! Shouldn't that be a reef-knot?!'

"Have you had a stressful experience lately, such as an accident?"

'I'm counter - intelligence'

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

"...you mean this is the end of the 3 bandidoes?"

'The guy at the end of the bar, would like to know if he can get you to buy him another drink?'

'Cycle shop' selling puncture repair kits next door to a 'Sex shop' selling inflatable dolls

"Calm down! That was a massive fart, NOT a sneeze!"

OMG.

'...Oh yeah? Well I've never heard of the 'denture fairy'.'

'This isn't Armageddon... it's a bar brawl on a Saturday night. Let Pestilence read the map.'

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

"...and the dung was this big!.... No...elephant, actually."

Due to Global Warming Penguins have been Spotted Far from their Natural Habitat

Medicine bottle - If symptoms persist, die!

Still Lives: 'What's wrong, don't you love me anymore?'

'I'd probably do a lot better if the teachers weren't set to 'auto-correct.''