Relationship Joke Appreciators T-Shirts

"A word of advice, sir...when your wife reaches for another slice of pizza, never, ever say, 'Are you sure you should be eating that?'"

Einstein's T-Shirt reads: My Wife Doesn't Understand Me.

"We first met on the net. We began to court, but between my foul mouth and Wilson being on the rebound...let's just say it was a long shot, but he pressed, and I was defenseless. Now, we're as 'hoopy' as can be."

What's an Imax cave?

"...so it appears we were talking to his butt that entire time."

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

You were warned about mixed marriages.

Laughing Zone Ahead

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

Florist. A vase for everything and everything in its vase.

'Excuse me, I ordered Matzo Ball soup.'

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

'No, you can't just watch the end of Bargainhunt!'

"You'll feel a pinch and then a burn."

'HEY! Shouldn't that be a reef-knot?!'

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

"...you mean this is the end of the 3 bandidoes?"

'The guy at the end of the bar, would like to know if he can get you to buy him another drink?'

'I'm counter - intelligence'

"Have you had a stressful experience lately, such as an accident?"

'Cycle shop' selling puncture repair kits next door to a 'Sex shop' selling inflatable dolls

'...Oh yeah? Well I've never heard of the 'denture fairy'.'

OMG.

"Calm down! That was a massive fart, NOT a sneeze!"

"...and the dung was this big!.... No...elephant, actually."

Medicine bottle - If symptoms persist, die!

"It's my autobiography. I call it, 'I Married Her For Her Money, And Other Gross Miscalculations'."

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

Split the last one?

Still Lives: 'What's wrong, don't you love me anymore?'

'This isn't Armageddon... it's a bar brawl on a Saturday night. Let Pestilence read the map.'

Due to Global Warming Penguins have been Spotted Far from their Natural Habitat