Relationship Comic Appreciators Pillows

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

Cow being force fed hormones and producing milk.

"A word of advice, sir...when your wife reaches for another slice of pizza, never, ever say, 'Are you sure you should be eating that?'"

"Oh boy, by the way this guy is moving, we can assume he's got some of our friends in his pants..."

"The best things in life are free. The rest are married."

'I'm leaving my wife because of another woman. Her mother.'

'Actually thursday'll be a perfect time to come by Penny. That way you'll finally get the chance to meet my other half.'

"We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone."

"I'm sorry your wife doesn't understand you, but this is a dry cleaner's."

New, Improved Cat

'Sometimes it's not a very good idea to be indecisive.'

'I swear I didn't know you'd heard that joke before...'

"You have to get up early tomorrow, too? We have so much in common!"

"Who wants to go for walkies?"

"This is a good start! You both agree that the marriage needs some new spark!"

"Can I start you all off with my cheesy alimony saga?"

"Of course you don't look anything like your reflection in the mirror."

Self-Esteem Clinic.

"I've got pride but no shame."

'S**t!'

Hypnotizing Women

Well there's something you don't see every day...

'Put the sword back in the stone right now, little girl, and we'll pretend this never happened.'

"Do we have any candy?"

'I told you a blowgun was a bad idea!'

"Let's go for the four-slot toaster."

'I told you to be careful near my piercings, Gavin - they're not beer can ring pulls, you know!'

I was expecting something else when you said nuptial agreement!

"I dumped my stable companion, he was seeing another pony!"

"You mean the rumours she dated a Flamingo are true?"

"I picked him up cheap on eBay."