Relationship Comic Enthusiast Pillows

'Got ya. I know everything.'

'I wish you had tried to screw me this much while we were married.'

"If you two lovebirds could wrap it up I'd like to pee there please and thank you."

'I said I didn't want to see you anymore. Gawd, you're as bad as the others.'

'My wife ran off with a Greek fisherman, but I got his cap!'

"I had to break up with him. I couldn't stand the armpit noises!"

"Just leave the hat on and maybe my parents won't notice."

"You're a liar and a cheat! I was at your sister's all night."

"First date hairball... awkward."

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

"Open a wine that will make me want to watch the shows you want to watch."

"You don't sniff my butt anymore."

"It's Doris Kearns Goodwin. Is there anything we'd like to know about the Presidency?"

'Admit it, you've been laughing behind my back ever since 1957 when we went in that hall of mirrors in Skegness!'

WHIRLWIND COURTSHIP

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

"Trust me. It's no big deal. I'm even tuning you out right now."

'Roger, you're just a Rooster and I'm just a Hen. Is all of this necessary?'

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

'His ego needs lipo suction!'

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

'I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer.'

What do I want out of our relationship? Same thing anyone wants. Good value.

'Actually thursday'll be a perfect time to come by Penny. That way you'll finally get the chance to meet my other half.'

'Marry me!'

'I'm leaving my wife because of another woman. Her mother.'

"What's come between us?"

"Ogden, you're taking yourself too damn seriously."

"Well yes, pretty and kind were big factors, but her nitpicking abilities are what really won me over..."

"I told you. All men are reptiles.!