Relationship Comic Lover Pillows

An old couple are leaving a supermarket the man has a t-shirt saying 'I've got Viagra' the woman has one saying 'I've got a headache.

'Oh, pretty good. At least I'm not hearing voices telling me what to do anymore. . . got fired and divorced.'

Santa's wife refusing to have sex with him

'You should know my wife thinks I'm stupid.'

"This silent treatment is getting worse. She's gone from just texts to emojis only."

"What took you so long?"

"Why exactly is my husband on your naughty list?"

"It's not you, Dave. It's the helium voice."

"I almost didn't recognize him with that sheet over his face instead of a newspaper."

"I'm seeing someone else."

"You don't live here any more. Remember? We're divorced."

Restraining order.

'After seeing the midwife so many years, he ran off with her.'

"For your information, this 'stuff' happens to be my husband!"

'Let me guess - your barmaid doesn't understand you either!'

'I'm leaving my wife because of another woman. Her mother.'

'Deep down, I don't think I'm ready.'

"I had no idea you were still racing him."

'My mother, the teacher, the drill sergeant, my boss and now you... where's my antenna? I feel remote-controlled'!

You played Xbox 360 with another woman?! Who?! Whom. What? The proper phrasing of the question is: With whom did you play 360? Whom has been advising you?!!! Randy. He said the grammar bit could backfire.

IN-LAW PROCESSING

“It’s 2025 Roger, I didn’t think I’d still be seeing the lockdown beard..”

International Women's Day

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

...and then I...wait....What's that?? Whoa! We're on a spaceship! This is fun! Hey! What's this button do? Can I pull this lever? Are we there yet? Take a selfie with us? Do we get snacks? Can I drive? Are we there yet? Something we said? Just imagine if we'd been obnoxious!

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

Moses separating his Laundry.

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

No-Work Orange

"I'm not here to slay you. I'm here to talk to you about diversifying your investment portfolio."

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

'You just don't know when to give up, do you?'

'Hang on a minute: What does 'IVF' mean?!'

"Have you been playing dice?"