Relationship Comic Lover Gifts

'Oh, pretty good. At least I'm not hearing voices telling me what to do anymore. . . got fired and divorced.'

Santa's wife refusing to have sex with him

'You should know my wife thinks I'm stupid.'

"This silent treatment is getting worse. She's gone from just texts to emojis only."

"What took you so long?"

"Why exactly is my husband on your naughty list?"

"It's not you, Dave. It's the helium voice."

"I almost didn't recognize him with that sheet over his face instead of a newspaper."

"I'm seeing someone else."

"You don't live here any more. Remember? We're divorced."

Restraining order.

'After seeing the midwife so many years, he ran off with her.'

"For your information, this 'stuff' happens to be my husband!"

'Let me guess - your barmaid doesn't understand you either!'

'I'm leaving my wife because of another woman. Her mother.'

'Deep down, I don't think I'm ready.'

"I had no idea you were still racing him."

'My mother, the teacher, the drill sergeant, my boss and now you... where's my antenna? I feel remote-controlled'!

IN-LAW PROCESSING

“It’s 2025 Roger, I didn’t think I’d still be seeing the lockdown beard..”

International Women's Day

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

No-Work Orange

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

"The Hound of the Baskervilles, Watson--I took him walkies!"

"Have you been playing dice?"

'Hang on a minute: What does 'IVF' mean?!'

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

'I think your father's had one of his big ideas...'

The Food Chain

Window Treatment

'I wonder why scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats.'