Relationship Comic Gifts

"Now what did I do?"

'Hey Vinnie! Come quick! Your mail order Bride's arrived!'

'You feel boxed in?'

'It was a little muffled, but it sounded like, ‘Back off, moron, she's taken.'

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

Girl who can't cook meets guy who can't fix stuff.

WHIRLWIND COURTSHIP

'Oh that's weird! i just had a shiver go down my wallet. My wife must have just bought something.'

'I just want to be sure to get this right. You met again your imaginary childhood friend and then happened WHAT?'

"It's my autobiography. I call it, 'I Married Her For Her Money, And Other Gross Miscalculations'."

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

'I'm leaving my wife because of another woman. Her mother.'

'Let's face it...We have irreconcilable differences!'

"I'm sorry your wife doesn't understand you, but this is a dry cleaner's."

'Actually thursday'll be a perfect time to come by Penny. That way you'll finally get the chance to meet my other half.'

'I swear I didn't know you'd heard that joke before...'

"You have to get up early tomorrow, too? We have so much in common!"

'I know we're supposed to be Lovebirds, but a bit of privacy from time to time would be nice...'

"Of course you don't look anything like your reflection in the mirror."

"Can I start you all off with my cheesy alimony saga?"

"This is a good start! You both agree that the marriage needs some new spark!"

'I don't like the look of yours...'

I was expecting something else when you said nuptial agreement!

"Are you, Michael on the same page as Melissa?"

"You mean the rumours she dated a Flamingo are true?"

"I dumped my stable companion, he was seeing another pony!"

"If you two lovebirds could wrap it up I'd like to pee there please and thank you."

“It’s 2025 Roger, I didn’t think I’d still be seeing the lockdown beard..”

I've been trying to cut back on my salt intake. I'd also like to do that, but unfortunately, my main source of salt comes from tears streaming into my mouth.

"I picked him up cheap on eBay."

'And I thought I was leaving you.'

'Oh, pretty good. At least I'm not hearing voices telling me what to do anymore. . . got fired and divorced.'

'Sorry, dear, but upon advice from my attorney, I decline to give you an opinion on your Creamed Tarragon Flounder.'

'My wife thinks it was a cheap, sordid affair, but she's wrong. The motel cost me fifty dollars and I spent another twenty on the vibrating bed!'

"I should let you know, you accidentally forwarded THAT mail to me."