Relationship Comic Fan Gifts

'I told my boss that you told me to ask him for a raise. And he told me to tell you no.'

"You have to get up early tomorrow, too? We have so much in common!"

"Forget it, Heather, they're only after one thing!"

Clancy: Brothers-in-Law

'And I thought I was leaving you.'

'My last 4 boyfriends spent more time with their cars than they did with me. I hope you don't make the same mistake.'

'Wouldn't you know it! First day of mating season and I get a barnacle on my chin!'

"She accused me of never lifting a finger with the housework...so I did...wrong finger!"

'Of course I remember that today's our anniversary! I have a dental appointment this afternoon!'

"Of course you don't look anything like your reflection in the mirror."

"John, I've told you before that my lovers should be recycled, not composted!"

"Mrs. Santa Claus wants a divorce, the elves in my workshop is on strike, the reindeer just hate me and global warming makes my place in the North Pole melt!"

"The reason I'm not providing ID is because I've lived here 35 years and been your husband for 20 of them!"

"Get away from me, you creep!".

"Open marriage? All right, open marriage it is!"

'Randy, I think we've been seeing too much of each other.'

"Your diet seems to be working - I've lost five kilos."

'I'm burning the new Madonna C.D..'

'Hi. . . Um. . . Sorry, I thought you were someone else.'

'It's Missing Persons about your husband. It's bad news, I'm afraid...they've found him.'

"I picked him up cheap on eBay."

"I'm sorry your wife doesn't understand you, but this is a dry cleaner's."

'And do you Timothy, though in the words of the bride 'not Mr. Right.' promise as a poor second best to remain faithful and dutiful...'

"I should let you know, you accidentally forwarded THAT mail to me."

'Well, it doesn't look like he's eating his heart out for you now.'

I was expecting something else when you said nuptial agreement!

"I dumped my stable companion, he was seeing another pony!"

"He's not an acquired taste. He's a rinse and spit."

'They fight like you know what.'

"This is a good start! You both agree that the marriage needs some new spark!"

"First date hairball... awkward."

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."