Relationship Troubles Comic Gifts

"His dying words to me were either 'Do less work' or 'Lose the jerk'."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

'Great Therapy!'

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

"We don't talk anymore."

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

"So, how are we doing with our trust issues?"

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

WHIRLWIND COURTSHIP

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

Bingo Saves Christmas - Part Three

"Your mind is somewhere else." "My mind is somewhere else."

"I feel I'm losing touch with the unrealistic view I have of him."

'You do make me laugh, Ron, but a relationship can't survive on laughter alone.'

'The Neurosis Pack.'

Well, if being married isn't grounds for divorce, I'd like to know what is"

"See how controlling he is?!"

Cliche Amusement Park. This park is no fun at all --- It's too much like real life! Look, that ride is called "The Emotional Roller Coaster." Over there is "Life's Ups and Downs"! ... and "The Mood Swings"! Look! The good old "Tunnel of Love"! Finally! A ride that's just a fun escape! Out of ardor. "Out of ardor" --- More real life. (Published originally Sept. 4, 2005.)

"It's my autobiography. I call it, 'I Married Her For Her Money, And Other Gross Miscalculations'."

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

"What's come between us?"

'The marriage counseling session didn't help -- she still claims she never saw me before in her life.'

"We can't even agree what to argue about any more!"

"You keep everything bottled up inside."

"We never talk about anything. 'Me Tarzan, you Jane. Me Tarzan, you Jane.' That's all he ever says."

"I'm sorry your wife doesn't understand you, but this is a dry cleaner's."

'Whenever he feels under attack, he calls for backup.'

'I'm leaving my wife because of another woman. Her mother.'

'Right, how can I help you?' 'Your wife is having it off with my husband!'