Love Joke Lover Pillows

'Of course I love you for yourself, silly, I couldn't care less about the thirty five million, six hundred and ten thousand, two hundred and four pounds and sixty eight pence in your bank account.'

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

'Your shoe's untied.'

"I told you playing Pin the Tail on the Donkey was a dumb idea."

'Not that sort of body building program!'

"The hyenas started it."

"It says: 'The teamwork that got you here is the real treasure.' Aww."

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

"If I can't ask for more wishes, how about more genies?"

'Sometimes, laughter is the best medicine.'

'Marsha, did you file the Peterson account on the cumulus, stratus, cirrus, or nimbus cloud?'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

Vegetarian Birds

Doggone

'Did you watch the horror movie?'

'I wonder why scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats.'

'I used to think I was the only one kids hated... I don't know what I'd do if it weren't for you guys.'

Your lobster was off!

You were warned about mixed marriages.

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

"He's the best our AI recruitment algorithm could fund, unfortunately our AI is really stupid."

'I missed work due to a rib injury from belly-laughing at your jokes.'

Man see a sign on door of Clayton's Jokes & Gags Shopee - 'Please Use Second Door To The Right'

Reading the sports pages.

"Your brow is definitely more furrowed than it used to be!"

'I'm into New Age. My new age is 26.'

"I'm gonna be a 'New Yorker' cartoonist. You're not supposed to understand it."

What do you suggest we do about this?

'Hah! The joke's on you — I already thought up a second opinion!'

'Now, remember...let me do the talking.'

Next to Nothing

"I don't care why you crossed the road! I do care however about "how" you crossed the road: without checking for cars first!"