Lover Of Witty Relationship Humor Gifts

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

Life is for the birds.

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

Hello. I'm Ferdinand. I'll be monitoring the levels of bull at your table this evening. Menu. Menu.

"First date hairball... awkward."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

"I said I'd give you the world, didn't I?"

'Well, thanks, but we have no need of a Divorce Lawyer: We're Lovebirds you see...'

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"You really ought to cut down on your scream time."

Excess Baggage: By the time the male of the species admits he is lost. It is generally too late.

Reading the sports pages.

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

"You're hogging the covers again!"

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"I'm Lester Holt, and this, is date night."

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

When at a loss for words Colin would often resort to communicating through the medium of contemporary dance.

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

"I love a woman with a sense of humour."

"I've learned something about you tonight, Alan. You say 'chowmein' when you mean 'lomein'."

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

"If you think I ride too fast, Susan...just say so!"

"What's with the Tim Russert act?"

'Whaddya mean, 'Quit hogging the blanket'? There's a blanket in here?

...My feng shui would be incompatible with your sumo wrestling.

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'