Quirky Relationship Humor Aficionado Gifts

'My new girlfriend's OK I suppose, but she has an arse like the back of a cart-horse'

"First date hairball... awkward."

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

"You don't whisper anymore."

"You're hogging the covers again!"

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

"Open a wine that will make me want to watch the shows you want to watch."

"It's Doris Kearns Goodwin. Is there anything we'd like to know about the Presidency?"

"You don't sniff my butt anymore."

'Admit it, you've been laughing behind my back ever since 1957 when we went in that hall of mirrors in Skegness!'

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

Still Lives: 'What's wrong, don't you love me anymore?'

'Roger, you're just a Rooster and I'm just a Hen. Is all of this necessary?'

One cheese omelette, and I've never cheated on my husband. Um, okay. Anything else? A side of hash browns for this one-man woman! And a chocolate as hot and sweet as my intensely singular love for this phenomenal guy. Chuck? Yes dear? I've been having an affair for the last six months. Oh don't act surprised. One scone, and what the @#$% just happened? The denial and snacks before the storm.

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

'His ego needs lipo suction!'

"Trust me. It's no big deal. I'm even tuning you out right now."

'I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer.'

'I used to think it was her red dress, but I've discovered I find your mother irritating in any color.'

What do I want out of our relationship? Same thing anyone wants. Good value.

"What's come between us?"

"If you'll have me, I'd like to be your blind spot."

"I told you. All men are reptiles.!

"Well yes, pretty and kind were big factors, but her nitpicking abilities are what really won me over..."

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."

"Manfred, don't get so defensive!"

'I fu*@!Ng hate you!!!'

"Ogden, you're taking yourself too damn seriously."

'Marry me!'