Quirky Relationship Humorist Gifts

"It's getting serious - he left his stuff."

"Crap."

'Yes, my dear...yes, my dear...yes, my dear...'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

"I said I'd give you the world, didn't I?"

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

"You really ought to cut down on your scream time."

'Well, thanks, but we have no need of a Divorce Lawyer: We're Lovebirds you see...'

'Stop staring and make a wish!'

"You're hogging the covers again!"

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

"I'm Lester Holt, and this, is date night."

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

When at a loss for words Colin would often resort to communicating through the medium of contemporary dance.

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

Always Compatible

"What's with the Tim Russert act?"

I think you'll find that I'm easily encouraged. For instance, the fact that the two exclamation points above your head are tempered by one question mark gives me great hope. !?!

'Whaddya mean, 'Quit hogging the blanket'? There's a blanket in here?

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

"I've learned something about you tonight, Alan. You say 'chowmein' when you mean 'lomein'."

"I love a woman with a sense of humour."

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."

'Don't blame me -- You're the one who had to have more personal space!'