Comic Relationship Humorist Gifts

"How long are you going to do this?"

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"First date hairball... awkward."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

'Well, thanks, but we have no need of a Divorce Lawyer: We're Lovebirds you see...'

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

'Stop staring and make a wish!'

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

Excess Baggage: By the time the male of the species admits he is lost. It is generally too late.

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

When at a loss for words Colin would often resort to communicating through the medium of contemporary dance.

Always Compatible

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

'Don't blame me -- You're the one who had to have more personal space!'

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation

'Whaddya mean, 'Quit hogging the blanket'? There's a blanket in here?

"I've learned something about you tonight, Alan. You say 'chowmein' when you mean 'lomein'."

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

"What's with the Tim Russert act?"

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"