Comic Relationship Humorist Pillows

"How long are you going to do this?"

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

"First date hairball... awkward."

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

'Well, thanks, but we have no need of a Divorce Lawyer: We're Lovebirds you see...'

"I said I'd give you the world, didn't I?"

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"You really ought to cut down on your scream time."

'Stop staring and make a wish!'

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

Excess Baggage: By the time the male of the species admits he is lost. It is generally too late.

"I'm Lester Holt, and this, is date night."

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

When at a loss for words Colin would often resort to communicating through the medium of contemporary dance.

"I love a woman with a sense of humour."

'Don't blame me -- You're the one who had to have more personal space!'

"I've learned something about you tonight, Alan. You say 'chowmein' when you mean 'lomein'."

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

Always Compatible

"What's with the Tim Russert act?"

'Whaddya mean, 'Quit hogging the blanket'? There's a blanket in here?

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'