Humorist On Relationships Pillows

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

'Well, thanks, but we have no need of a Divorce Lawyer: We're Lovebirds you see...'

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"Yo, Ned Beatty, paddle harder if you ever want to kiss me again."

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

"You're hogging the covers again!"

When at a loss for words Colin would often resort to communicating through the medium of contemporary dance.

"I love a woman with a sense of humour."

Always Compatible

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."

'Whaddya mean, 'Quit hogging the blanket'? There's a blanket in here?

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

"What's with the Tim Russert act?"

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

"I've learned something about you tonight, Alan. You say 'chowmein' when you mean 'lomein'."

'Don't blame me -- You're the one who had to have more personal space!'

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

Nothing to say! Wouldn't wanna hear about it anyway!

"For God's sake, Lucille. We're IN a vacuum."

'I know you'll find this hard to believe but I am actually a self made man.'

'Actually, I do mind wearing your pedometer!'